Intro

For starters, this is not traditional pho. If you want that then set aside twenty four hours plus and ask someone’s di. All of my recipes come from somewhere else usually. I just make them so much that I end up with my own twists on it. All recipes come from somewhere else, so do not come at me. You are not born to cook either.

This recipe came from Jet Tila’s Quick Pho. I use boxed broth as the base because I do not have the time to make a good beef broth. I add a tablespoon of Better Than Bouillon to make it beefier. I also throw in about half a teaspoon of sugar. Then you add your broth seasoning. That is a cinnamon stick, one star anise, three whole cloves, and a chunk of white onion. You will strain this out later. Use cheesecloth if you are Elon Musk and can afford it.

I add three to four dashes of Maggi seasoning. If you do not have Maggi, you can use Vietnamese fish sauce or even Worcestershire. I did not have fish sauce the first time, but I liked it so much I leave it out now. It is your recipe, you decide. I throw everything in a sauce pan. I start with the thirty two ounce beef broth and add water or more broth as it cooks down. You are steeping the seasoning here and that is the goal.

Bring it to a simmer for about forty five minutes. You can go longer, but then it gets stronger, especially if you top off with more broth instead of water. But again, you decide.

Around this time I pour a bourbon.

Meat Prep

Then I cut the meat. They say thin slice sirloin. You can do that, but if you have a cheaper cut like top round, then freeze it for fifteen minutes so it gets stiff. Stop giggling. Pull the meat out. Insert the Michael Scott joke here. No gif? I thought we had one. Low budget operation.

Slice it thin across the grain. If your knife skills suck, then take your time and do not cut yourself. I use about a pound. It should serve four or it will serve me, as it normally does. I am a family of four, mind you.

Put the sliced beef in a container or a zip lock with a little soy sauce, one eighth cup, garlic fresh or if powdered a small amount, not an asston. Then one quarter cup Hoisin. Let it rest twenty minutes in the fridge, then pull it out to come to temp. You will cook this in the broth eventually.

Aromatics and Garnish

Now the aromatics, or whatever TV chefs call them. Cut one or two limes into quarters. Slice two green onions small, garnish size. Take your time. Nothing ruins dinner like bloody scallions. After, chop a quarter bunch of cilantro near the leafy end, also garnish size. Now thin slice half a yellow onion paper thin. If you slice from the root to the bottom, which someone once called the onion’s anus, then peel it, then put it flat side down, it will not roll all over the place and you will not need stitches.

Also for garnish, Vietnamese basil. If you cannot find it, do not make the recipe. You are SOL. Fine, you can use regular basil, and honestly if you are reading pho recipes from a white guy you probably will not notice. Throw a few stems on the platter and let people rip the leaves off later.

Mung bean sprouts. Get the crunchy kind, not the leafy weird ones. I buy the bag and dump a handful on the platter. If you do not like them, do not add them.

Jalapenos. I cut two. Chop the stem, then use the handle of a spoon or a chop stick to pop out the seeds. Leave them if you want heat. Slice into circles about one eighth inch thick.

Put Sriracha, Hoisin, and soy sauce on the table.

Noodles and Broth

Fast forward, after drink refills and pulling your marinated beef out. You forgot, did you not, now go stand in the corner. Your broth is now a beef tea. You strain it into another pan or whatever works. I did not have fancy cheesecloth, so I use a strainer like a normal person. Heat it back to a rolling boil and add more broth or water if needed.

Now for the noodles. You can use glass noodles or rice stick noodles. Cook them thirty seconds shy of done if you make them separate and then dump them in bowls you will serve the soup in. But I am white and not rich, so I use ramen noodles. One packet per person. Cook them in the broth. Do not add the seasoning packet. Save it for later when you want extra ramen flavor.

At about the three minute mark of the ramen cooking, they take four to six minutes depending on the brand, toss in the beef, not the marinade, from the bag. Pull beef slices out like an animal and drop them in slowly. Give them about a minute to cook. They will continue to finish cooking in the bowl.

Serve and Eat

Serve by ladling broth, noodles, and beef into bowls. If you used fancy noodles, they are already in the bowl. Do not use your hands. If the meat is not cooked enough, then add it earlier or toughen up.

Top with the aromatics. Lime, sprouts, jalapeno, green onion, cilantro, basil. I add a criminal amount of basil because it steeps in the broth and smells incredible.

Finish with a few drops of soy sauce, too much Hoisin, and Sriracha to taste. After spending time making it pretty, I mix it like a caveman and dig in.

A fork works fine if you do not have chop sticks. You need a spoon for the broth. If I have to explain that then this might be too advanced for you.

It is good. It is not traditional. I am sure people in Vietnam are screaming at me.

That is why it is White Guy Pho.

Bone Appleteeth.

Ingredients

Broth

• 32 ounces beef broth
• 1 tablespoon Better Than Bouillon beef
• 1 cinnamon stick
• 1 star anise
• 3 whole cloves
• 1 half white onion
• 1 half teaspoon sugar
• 3 to 4 dashes Maggi seasoning or 1 to 2 teaspoons fish sauce or Worcestershire
• Extra broth or water as needed while simmering

Meat

• 1 pound thin sliced beef, sirloin or top round
• 1 eighth cup soy sauce
• 1 clove garlic or 1 half teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 quarter cup Hoisin sauce

Noodles

• 1 packet ramen noodles per person

Aromatics and Garnish

• 1 to 2 limes, cut into quarters
• 2 green onions, sliced small
• 1 quarter bunch cilantro, chopped near the leafy end
• 1 half yellow onion, sliced paper thin
• Vietnamese basil or regular basil, a few stems
• 1 handful mung bean sprouts
• 2 jalapenos, seeded or not, sliced into circles
• Sriracha at the table
• Hoisin at the table
• Soy sauce at the table

Instructions

1. Combine broth, Better Than Bouillon, cinnamon stick, star anise, cloves, and white onion in a sauce pan. Add sugar and Maggi or fish sauce or Worcestershire. Bring to a gentle simmer.
2. Simmer for about forty five minutes, adding broth or water as needed while it reduces. Taste and adjust seasoning.
3. While the broth simmers, slice the beef thin across the grain. Place it in a container or zip bag with soy sauce, garlic, and Hoisin. Let it rest twenty minutes in the fridge, then remove to come to room temp.
4. Prepare the aromatics platter. Arrange lime wedges, green onions, cilantro, thin sliced yellow onion, basil stems, mung bean sprouts, and jalapeno slices on a plate. Set out Sriracha, Hoisin, and soy sauce on the table.
5. Strain the broth into a clean pan and bring it back to a rolling boil. Add more broth or water if needed.
6. Add ramen noodles to the boiling broth and cook according to package instructions, stopping about thirty seconds before they are fully done.
7. During the last minute of noodle cooking, add the beef slices to the broth, pulling them from the marinade and dropping them in. Let them cook about one minute. They will continue to cook in the bowls.
8. Serve by ladling broth, noodles, and beef into bowls. Add more broth if needed.
9. Top each bowl with lime, sprouts, jalapeno, green onion, cilantro, and basil to taste. Finish with soy sauce, Hoisin, and Sriracha as you like.
10. Eat with chop sticks for the solid bits and a spoon for the broth. Try not to burn your face off.